Edakochi stadium is a HOAX

                                         When my cronies and me sabotaged the Kerala Cricket Association’s (2006- under then secretary) decision to construct a cricket stadium at Trivandrum, we had a long plan and a well laid out stratagem. First we ignored the Kerala Government’s offer of free land in Trivandrum and decided to have a stadium in Kochi. Why Kochi?- It was like 2 birds with one stone. I have some land at Kochi, which I will sell to BCCI at an exorbitant rate. However, before I sell the land to BCCI, I would want to make some crores with some game by fooling the idiots of Kerala, especially Kochi machus. The game is like this - We will buy some land in Kochi that should have problems and that will enable us to not to a build a stadium. Fortunately, we could find 24 acres of desolate swamp in the Vemband Lake with mangroves, at Edakochi. We encroached it and bruited that we bought it for Rs.30 crore. BCCI paid the 30 crore to us and got a grant from Kerala Government to avoid tax worth more than a crore. We were sure that some environmentalist would come and stop the construction of the stadium because of the mangroves in the swamp or if no body turns up, we will have some asshole paid to do the job. Ultimately, our motive was not to have a stadium at Edakochi, but to earn profit out of this transaction and shift the stadium location to my own land. If you have a tinge of common sense, you will understand that you cannot build even a small house let alone a big stadium in this hopeless swamp. To our joy, some people came and complained to the Ministry that we destroyed the mangroves. The chapter was closed then and there, and not before we made 30 crores out of it.  When the environment ministry would not give the approval for Edakochi stadium, our plan was to shift the stadium construction to my land at Udayamperoor and for that; we will offer to sell it to BCCI. Again, we would make big crores. Overall, we will have profit and only profit out of these transactions. If somebody raises the issue that we have hijacked the proposed cricket stadium at Trivandrum, we would stir up the regional spirit within the idiots in Kochi and make a fight out of it. What an idea? Hai na? ദീപസ്തംബം മഹാശ്ചര്യം നമ്മുക്കും കിട്ടേണം പണം !!

Prostitution of CRICKET

From 2006 to present day, under my leadership, the closet cricket association of Kerala has been indulging in corruption, embezzlement of funds, swindling, fudging…you name it,  we have done everything associated with robbery. Have you ever noticed any media in Kerala who claims to be the busters of corruption and impropriety talk about it? Have you ever noticed any political party rake up the issue in the public domain? Why is it so? The answer is simple- I replenish those people, whether be a politician or a media corporate, with a share of my money I loot. Periodically I stuff the Rupee notes into their garrulous mouths to keep them quiet.  My deputy will come to me every now and then say,” What an idea sirji?” He’s right, my crooked brain is castrating all these ball less bastards- the political bastards and the media bastards to be precise. I am the undisputed king of Kerala cricket. The vigilance is behind me to satisfy some morons. The vigilance will just be in the lime light- the cases will go on and on, until, one day the world ends. Do you think the vigilance are so holy, pious and forthright unlike the politicians, judiciary and the media of this country?

 I am just laughing at those idiots who believe IPL is going to give them heavens. You’re assholes and you’re looted inch by inch by fat cat corporates and political bastards. Some politicians don’t work for their constituency instead indulge in all these money making process like creating IPL teams. Every one wants to make huge sums of money squeezing the balls of the public. IPL is nothing but prostituting the game of cricket and you people are trying to be a part of this prostitution. I’ll save myself because I have the money that I have looted from you. All the politicians, corporate fat cats and media barons will survive even if the world comes to an end; it is you the castrated, moronic laymen who’s gonna perish!!! Kussanmak!!

Kerala's IPL becomes tagged with Kochi- Trivandrum Idiots

There’s a celebrated saying in north kerala about the south keralites,”മൂര്‍ഖനെയും തെക്കെനേയും ഒരുമിച്ചു കണ്ടാല്‍ ആദ്യം തെക്കേനെ തല്ലി കൊല്ലണം ” That simply translates that if one see a cobra and a south Keralite, he should first kill the latter. This saying might have created by some prejudiced mentally disturbed person some where in Malabar. Later it could have been transferred to his descendants and further down to many generations.  Though I’m not from north of Kerala nor from the south (I’m from Idukki), I feel this is totally false and ridiculous. We ourselves have betrayed the south people, and surprisingly the south idiots have been so much dormant and inactive. There is not even a spark of rebellion or anger from these south guys. The proposed cricket stadium at Trivandrum in 2006 was hijacked when I came to helm of Kerala closet association (please read Kerala cricket association). There by we hijacked the possibility of an IPL team for Trivandrum with the help of Suroor the new face of Indian politics, who was lured into the greed of sweat equity and stuff.

When the first one day international cricket n Kerala was played in the University stadium Trivandrum, between KapilDev’s India and Kim Hughes’ Australia, in 80's, the present coach of team Kochi Geoff Lawson was the member of the Australian team. He would still be remembering the youngsters in the gallery calling out his name incessantly, when he was guarding the boundary. The second international was also played at Trivandrum between India and the West Indies. Those days I was in a remote hamlet in Idukki and I never knew what was cricket or where was Trivandrum. I was just a primary school drop out helping my farmer father in tapioca agriculture. I did not know even how Trivandrum or Kochi looked like those days (late 80’s). My life changed when my dad sent me to Kochi to buy fertlizer and fodder from the Broadway market. I did not return home and decided to work in Kochi at a ferlizer godown doing  miscellaneous drudgeries. Every Sunday, I walked through the M.G.Road and looked in awe at the biggest building in Kochi, the 3 storied Jos brothers tailor shop. I had heard that the tallest building those days in Kerala was the co-bank towers in Trivandrum that had 11 floors. I wanted to go to Trivandrum and see that, but I did not have enough money. I grew with the Kochi that was essentially a fisherman town then and reached a position where I could be called as somebody in the closet of cricket of Kerala. I wanted to make bucks and more bucks, for that I played a lot of dirty game. We (me and my cronies) pocketed all the grants from GCDA, we fudged figures and amounts gotten from one day matches at Kaloor stadium and we did a lot of dirty things to make money. The last one was hijacking the IPL team that could have gone to Trivandrum by acquiescing the greedy Suroor and his charming girl friend ananda tuskar.

Iam sorry for all the idiots in Triandrum, who are scared to raise this issue in public domain. The city had been suffering because of aloofness of its people. Muscle power, money power are synonym to greed and we are just the perfect example. We shut the door to Trivandrum in terms of cricket. In the 80’s there were hordes of tournament played in Trivandrum Including Duleep, Ranji,Deodhar trophy and host of others. We (my self and our former closet secretary  Animal doctor A.Kumar) saw to that these tournaments were played either in Kochi or Perinthalmanna. You may ask why Perinthalmanna, secret! Don’t tell any one, I have a concubine (keep) there. I hope my wife would not come to know about it. 

Now the question is how much money can I make from the bullshit IPL. I also fear that the demons in the IPL and BCCI might thwart my plans. My fingers are crossed. I have to stop now bcoz; I have been summoned by the vigilance to their office in the afternoon. God will not save me, but my money will. Shukran Jazeelan! Masalama!!

Team Kochi's games

When team Kochi gets into play at the Kaloor GCDA swimming pool (hope they have rains in the days prior to the matches),the 80,000 strong Kochi fans will yell slogans like " ഞങ്ങ കൊച്ചികാരെ തോല്പിക്കാന്‍ അരുണ്ടാരുണ്ട്?" (who will beat us Kochiites) "  ജയിക്കും ഞങ്ങ ജയിക്കും -തോക്കും നിങ്ങ തോക്കും " (win we'll win- loose you'll loose) "Ponneyane ponneyane jayikkan njanga ponneyane" (we are going to win), "വന്നുണ്ടേ വന്നുണ്ടേ ശ്രീ ശാന്തന്‍ പുലി വന്നുണ്ടേ" (he's coming he's coming the tiger sreesanth is coming)  at the top of their voices in a perfect Cochin slang. Since the matches will be played in the night, the players will have a stiff competition from the national bird of Kochi- " The Royal Mosquitoes". Players will look to hit the mosquitoes for sixes and bowl mosquitoes out in a priority basis. As the secretary of the CCA, I  urge the government to introduce a family planning program for mosquitoes to restrict their multiplication. The best thing about Kochi is that the players don't have to spend time in the stadium to warm up as the hotel to the stadium journey will take care of that. The potholes and the gutters on the roads will shake the players up a great deal and warm them up. And if it rains, unlike in other stadiums the players can fish or even swim in the stadium to get rid of their boredom. Can't wait to see my team play. Khuda Hafiz!!

Name for our team

Hello everyone, Welcome to my blog! I'm Mr.Mathai, apostle of Kerala(Read as Kochi) cricket. My love in cricket is because of the long legs and the fine legs, and of course the bucks. Anyway let's discuss real cricket! T20 is the real cricket and Kochi is the real team. As the Malayalam saying goes,"കൊച്ചി കണ്ടവന് അച്ചി വേണ്ട  " meaning- one who see Kochi will forget his achchi(Wife in coarse colloquial Malayalam). 


Team Kochi is desperately trying to fix an apt name for the team and the following are the names short listed by our panel in CCA. :-


1. Mathai's Mosquiteers
2. Arabian Queens
3. Vellakettu Machoos
4. Tharoor's Hyenas
5. Pushkar Boyz
6. Kathrikadavu Kavutts
7. Gujju Budhdhoos


Please select one of them and put it in the comments box with your name and phone no.. and  WIN EXCITING PRIZES!!


Kavut Shah Pashani
Pahar Kritrimi Jariwala
Pandari Ben Shah
Karpukare Kundan shah
Mathai- the real Kochi Kuttan